The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
