2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
