I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
