no. you can't hotbox the world.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
