I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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