Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
