I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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