I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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