i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
