your thong is hanging out like whoa
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
