There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
