I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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