I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
