Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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