My balls are so social today.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
