I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
