the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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