I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she smelled like a LAN party
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
This is the high leading the old right now
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
