1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
