Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
