I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
