when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Fuck appropriateness.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
