I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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