It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
