just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
