Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
