idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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