her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
