Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
it's like iHOP with fire
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
