Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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