I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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