Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
try to milk me bitch
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