Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
