So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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