I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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