After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
