Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
