I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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