Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
