I smell stomach acid.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
