The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My ass is underappreciated
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
