The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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