My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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