Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
