We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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