I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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