It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
