I feel great
I just peed on a car
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I checked into jail on foursquare
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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