Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
