my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
stop calling my apartment porn island.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
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