i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
